just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize