you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
