im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize