You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
