dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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