Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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