my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
