In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
