Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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