When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
