Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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