He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
