we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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