Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
