I molested 6 butterflies tonight
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
