I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
