My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
