I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
