i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
