"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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