I hate all girls vehemently.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
