He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
