oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
