Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize