i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
