Me too!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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