And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
