whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
