honey bunches of taint.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
