So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
