They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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