3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
one two three fourrrrnication!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
