Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
