Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
