Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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