remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
