Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
