i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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