ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
