I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
