Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
