Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
