i love accidental penises.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
