idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
