Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
