I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
