Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
