i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
