my mouth tastes like poor choices
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
