last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize