I'm drive I can fine osifer
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize