i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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