i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
