there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
