Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
