Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
