you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Acid is not a monday night drug
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
