Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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