he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
