and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
