What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
