look no pants
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
