drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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