Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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