my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize