okay pat passed out under dana's car
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
