A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
A bitchslap is in order.
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