my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
