I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sarcasm needs its own font
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
