Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
