Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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