Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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