Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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